


Goodnight Kiss

by castiel52



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Forgiveness, Just a Kiss, M/M, Romance, Season 7 finale spoiler, kind of a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2012-12-11
Packaged: 2017-11-20 21:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiel52/pseuds/castiel52
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I do have feelings for you, Dean." The angel said in a hushed tone, as if he was afraid that the silence, the magic that surrounded them would fade away if he spoke louder than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodnight Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my fanfiction account. So, yeah. Just sharing. :)

Castiel sat by the stairs of the basement of the cabin, watching as the Winchester boys burned Bobby's flask, putting the old hunter to rest. He would've wanted to comfort them but he didn't know how to. He was still a  _child_  and he knew that. There was really nothing much he could do for his friends. As the hunters mourned Bobby's departure, knowing that it was really the last time they'll see their surrogate father, Castiel left to let them be.

When the Winchesters were done feeling the lost of their father figure, and they have made a plan for their attack the next day, they both went back upstairs; Sam saying he'd get some air while Dean went to speak with the angel.

The older hunter saw the angel playing another board game which he got from somewhere only God knows.

The angel glanced at the hunter, his former charge, as he arranged the game so that he could begin. As Dean approached him, he watched his friend for a little while before he voiced out what he wanted to say.

"Cas, I need a wingman." He finally said, making the angel shift his gaze and sigh lightly.

"Dean—" the angel started—his tone suggesting that he wasn't up for any argument—but was quickly cut off by the hunter.

"You don't wanna jump to the jaws of death, that's…" he paused for a while, as if he was having a hard time to actually continue what he wanted to say. "fine. How about we run a little errand?" he finally finished.

Moments later, they were at the place where Frank has left the Impala. Dean took a glance at his car—which was covered—on his right before looking back at Castiel with light smirk. Castiel was frowning lightly; seemingly studying the hunter and at the same time, contemplating about saying whatever it is that was on his mind. "Thanks for the lift." The hunter said afterwards.

"My pleasure." The angel responded as the hunter turned to walk towards his car. As he did so, the angel started to speak once more. "Dean."

"Cas." The hunter countered sharply, making the angel stop, and turned back to look hesitantly at the angel. "We've been over it. I get it you can't help." He said with disappointment in his tone.

Castiel shifted his gaze for a while before he spoke. "If we," he started hesitantly, "attack Dick, and fail, you and Sam die heroically, correct?" he continued.

Dean paused for a while, wondering where the angel was going with the conversation. "I don't know, I guess?" he replied, seemingly simply going with the angel's words.

"At best, I die trying to fix my own stupid mistake, or," Castiel started and hesitated for a very short while—his eyes seemingly wanting to roll themselves but were stopped before the action actually happened—and continued. "I don't die, brought back again. And see now, it's a punishment—resurrection. It's worse everytime." The angel finished as if he was lecturing a student even if there was an underlying fear and melancholy in his tone.

Dean was simply staring at his friend, looking more confused than ever. "Sorry, uh, we're talking about god crap, right?" he asked because he simply didn't know what to say.

"I'm not good luck Dean." The angel finally got to the point of what he wanted to say.

Dean looked at him incredulously, as if he couldn't believe Castiel's reasoning for not coming with them to fight the Leviathans. He ran his fingers across his mouth in that usual manner of his before he dropped his hand back down and looked back at the angel. "You know what? Bottom of the ninth, and you're the only guy left on the bench. Sorry, but I'd rather have you." He said sharply at the angel in front of him, staring at him in the eye. "Cursed or not. And anyway man up. We're all cursed. I seem like good luck to you?" he finished his statement, trying to get a point across to the angel. "What?" he asked, slightly annoyed and maybe a little defensive, when Castiel simply looked at him, a light amusement in his eyes and gave him gave him a barely there, knowing and slightly hopeful smile.

The angel's smile widened just a fraction, looking more like an actual smile this time and looked down like a shy child. "Well I don't want to make you uncomfortable." He started with his eyes still cast down. He looked back up at the hunter as he continued. "But I detect a note of forgiveness."

Dean huffed out and looked a way for a second and looked back at the angel, not actually believing that Castiel would be talking about that topic  _now_  of all the time he could do so. "Yeah, well, probably going to die tomorrow, so." He responded and cut himself off, not really wanting to say the words but was very much understood by the angel.

"Well I'll go with you. And I'll do my best." The angel replied with confidence, making the hunter huff through his nose and click his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Thanks." Dean simply replied, quite surprised that that was all it took to convince the angel to join them.

"So," Castiel started hesitantly, like a child who doesn't know if he should really say what he wanted to say, with a small, barely there smile. "can I ask, the plan?" he finally asked with a small tilt of his head.

Dean smiled amusedly at the angel, even if it was a small barely there one, before he spoke. "According to Crowley, Dick knows we're coming. So we're gonna announce ourselves. Big." The conversation ended and the two men looked back at the Impala simultaneously.

When they got back to the cabin with the Impala, Sam was asleep with the radio left on, playing a song not very well known to the older hunter but was announced by DJ as Just a Kiss by Lady something. Meg, on the other hand, was nowhere in sight. Dean went up to the roof, leaving the angel to do whatever he pleases at the moment.

Dean simply lied on the roof, his head pillowed by his hands, watching the sky above him. The song was still playing and it was still heard by him, even though he was outside. A few moments later, Castiel announced his arrival with a flutter of wings, standing by the top of the hunter's head.

Dean looked up at the angel who was staring at him, making him feel slightly nostalgic because that was what the angel used to do; stare at him as if he was the most interesting being.

Castiel tilted his head to the left, eyes narrowing a little as if he was reading the hunter's mind. And, just like that, he broke eye contact to sit beside him on his right, pulling his legs closer to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

The hunter simply watched the angel, comparing the Castiel he was seeing at the moment and the angel he has fallen in love with. They were so different yet so similar at the same time.

The angel still says what he wanted to say through his eyes; that hasn't changed yet. His movements were different but the same as well; he still walks with confidence in his stance but the gestures he now does and the different things that he do make him look like a powerless child. He still spoke with that tone that says that he's an angel. He was still as calm as ever but somehow he seemed to be hiding himself away.

The angel now preferred playing games like a five year old boy who still doesn't like the idea of school. He dodges conversations he doesn't want to with sudden wants of playing rather than simply looking away like he usually did before. Most of the time, he looked like he doesn't really know what he had to do, making him seem vulnerable. To sum it all up, Castiel was like a super genius, oversized little boy who doesn't like the fact that the grownups expect too much from him.

"What?" Castiel asked all of a sudden; confusion and a small hint of amusement lining his eyes. Dean didn't even realize he was staring at the angel until he was called for it. He blinked once and then realized that he needed to respond to the angel.

He looked away to look at the sky once more. "Nothing." He muttered. Then, all of a sudden, he remembered what Meg has told him when she asked him to talk to Castiel because the angel suddenly brought her back to the Winchesters. She told him that Castiel was his 'boyfriend first'. So could that mean that the angel actually has affections for the demon? Whether it was really a way of exaggerating his friendship with the angel back then, it doesn't really matter because it wasn't like the angel felt the same towards him to make him the angel's first boyfriend.

Already regretting what he was about to ask, the hunter cleared his throat before he spoke. "So, you're with Meg now." He stated without looking at the angel; jealousy and a light accusation in his tone.

Dean wasn't able to see the angel contemplating the way he said those words and actually understanding it, so Castiel went for what would've been his usual response. "I'm with you, Dean." He said slowly, as if stating the obvious to a child, but at the same time hinting that no, he wasn't with Meg because he has feelings for a certain hunter. Sure, he sees Meg as someone beautiful, but it was only because he can finally see the beauty in everything around him; even in the tiniest of insects.

Dean actually looked up at that, suddenly realizing that the angel took everything literally. He sighed loudly as he looked away, feeling a slight disappointment settle within him. He thought about telling the angel what he meant but went against it.

"If you wish to tell me something, please, don't hesitate." Castiel offered after a few moments of silence but the hunter simply smiled and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly through his nose but still remained silent. He then shifted to lie down beside the hunter, his hands rested on his stomach. He stared at the hunter, hoping he would actually speak his mind.

At that very moment, Castiel could've easily told the hunter how he felt. It was getting harder and harder everytime he faces the hunter. Whenever he hears the hunter's voice, his breath catches in his throat. Whenever he sees the hunter smile, all he wanted to do was look at that smile and treasure it for the rest of his existence.

They were silent for a while as the song played in the background. Dean was staring at the sky while Castiel watched the hunter. Finally, Dean decided to break the silence. "You know, I still can't understand why it's so hard for me to forgive you. I mean, it wasn't my wall that you broke but Sam's. Yet Sam was able to forgive you easily, but I can't." He said quietly with a small frown.

"I think it's because of the knowledge that I'm an angel, the knowledge that I have never failed or betrayed you before. I've always been there, when you call. I always listen to what you have to say. Maybe you just expected me to be that exact same person you've always trusted." He replied just as quietly, studying the hunter lying beside him.

Dean lifted his left knee while his right hand shifted to rest on his stomach. He sighed lightly through his nose and licked his lower lip. "Yeah, maybe." He replied almost hesitantly, still not voicing out what he really wanted to say.

They remained in a comfortable silence, both of them staring at the sky above them. The song was still playing in the background. Castiel would occasionally glance at the hunter, wondering what the other man was thinking.

"Did you know that when cats are happy or pleased, they squeeze their eyes shut?" Castiel broke the silence as he turned his head to fully look at the hunter. Dean in return turned his head as well, giving the angel his full attention.

"What?" The hunter asked dumbly with a light frown.

"When casts are happy, or pleased, they squeeze their eyes shut; like this." The angel repeated and demonstrated what he was saying and squeezed his eyes shut, imitating a pleased cat.

The hunter blinked once, twice, and started laughing loudly; his head tilting back and his eyes closing as he laughed at what the angel did.

The angel was smiling fondly at the hunter as he laughed. He was quite pleased at himself for finally making Dean laugh. He has been trying to make the hunter smile, at the least. The kind that was free of any worry, fear and hurt. The smile that was always reserved for the people he cared for.

When Dean finally sobered up, he looked back at the angel who was smiling fondly at him. He stared back at Castiel until he felt slightly uncomfortable, shifted his gaze away from the angel's and cleared his throat. "What?" he asked gruffly. He felt a tingly sensation within him when he saw the fond look in the angel's eyes.

"Nothing. I just like hearing your laughter. It sounds good and it calms me." The angel replied solemnly.

Dean took a quick glance at the angel and shifted a little, putting his other hand on his stomach as well. "Well I'm glad my laughter has a good effect on you." He replied with a slight annoyance in his tone but the relief was still barely hidden.

Castiel chuckled lightly through his nose and shifted his gaze away from Dean, his eyes glinting with a small amount of amusement. He looked back at the hunter who was now staring at him as if he was the most ridiculous person alive. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"What?" the hunter asked incredulously, shifting his gaze a little before looking back at the angel with a frown.

Castiel propped himself up with his left elbow to look down at the hunter. He raised his right hand but suddenly stopped, as if realizing the action wasn't exactly intentional. He placed it back down and entwined it with his other hand. Dean followed his actions before he looked back up at the angel's face.

"Why are you, really mad at me, Dean." The angel asked with his usual head tilt, narrowing of eyes and light frown.

"Cas." He replied sharply and looked back up at the sky angrily. "Not that."

"Dean, I need to know the real reason." The angel replied sternly, leaving no spaces for arguments. "And don't tell me it's all because I broke Sam's wall." He continued when the hunter seemed to be saying just that.

"Fine!" he said angrily and looked back at the angel with cold, hard eyes; the pain hidden underneath. "You really wanna know why I'm so mad at you? Because you chose a demon over me, your best friend. The fact that you trusted someone like Crowley to help you, instead of me. I told you I was willing to die for you, Cas. But what did you do? You turned your back on me, on Sam on Bobby. You left, Cas. And in the process you released those sons of bitches. And one of those killed Bobby." He said, the pain and the betrayal finally seeping out, making the angel want to cringe and run as far away as possible. "And to make things worse, I had feelings for you, Cas. I still do. The pain your betrayal brought me was ten times worse than the pain I felt when Sam went with Ruby, when he chose that demon over his own brother." Dean finished, all of his emotions pouring out unintentionally.

The hunter's confession at the end removed all of the angel's anxiety. Castiel simply smiled softly at Dean and finally combed the hunter's hair once with his fingers and simply rested his hand there. "That's all I needed, Dean, for you to finally open up to me."

Dean felt uncomfortable instantly, realizing that he did open up to the angel. A faint blush tainted his cheeks, making him look away quickly and shift slightly, almost making the angel's hand slip away from his head. "Yeah," he started but his voice was slightly scratchy, making him clear his throat before he started once. "Yeah, well, it ain't happening again." He said, taking a quick glance at the angel who smiled knowingly at him.

"Of course." The angel replied solemnly with a small nod, as if it was an order from God. All of a sudden, the angel shifted and laid his head on the Dean's chest and wrapped his arms around him, making the hunter visibly tense, as if he couldn't decide if he should push the angel away or pull him closer.

Dean looked at Castiel who was lying half on top of him. "Um," Dean started and paused, shifting his gaze for a while as he cleared his throat before he looked back at the angel. "Cas, what," he sighed and licked his lips, "what are you doing?" he choked out. **  
**

The angel looked up at him, staring at him curiously with the usual tilt of his head. "Isn't this what two people who are in love do?" he asked the hunter, making him swallow hard and shift nervously.

"Well, yeah. I guess? But just because I told you I have feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily mean that we have to, uh, to do this. You know?" he replied quite uncomfortably, having a hard time explaining to the angel how love works for humans.

"Why?"

"Well, uh, you have to have feelings for me too Cas." Dean replied hesitantly and nervously; gaze avoiding the angel's.

"Dean." Castiel said sternly, getting the hunter's attention as he cupped his face. Slowly and ever so slightly, the angel leaned closer to the hunter. Dean seemed to be frozen and simply stared at the angel. Finally, their lips met in a soft touch, making both men flutter their eyes close.

Before Dean could decide to deepen the kiss, the angel pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against the hunter's. Their eyes opened simultaneously. Dean's bright, hopeful green eyes met Castiel's knowing blue ones.

"I do have feelings for you, Dean." The angel said in a hushed tone, as if he was afraid that the silence, the magic that surrounded them would fade away if he spoke louder than that.

"You…" The hunter started then paused to process what the angel was saying. "Since when?" he finally asked in the same hushed tone, as he let his arm finally snake around Castiel's waist to pull him closer.

"I don't know. I guess it was some time whenever I see you try to protect your brother even though you can't. But I only realized it when you were about to surrender to the other angels, when you were desiring to finally be Michael's vessel." He replied calmly, still in that hushed tone; his eyes searching the hunter's. "How about you? When did you start, having feelings, for me?"

The hunter had to stop and think for a while to figure out the answer to the angel's question. "I guess I started to feel something for you when I told you to never change. Then I realized, or, finally admitted that I really am in love with  _my_  angel," Castiel chuckled lightly at the possessiveness of Dean's words, making the hunter scowl playfully at him and mutter a 'shut up' before continuing, "Was when you went back to heaven. But within the year we were apart, I actually found myself loving the feeling with Lisa and Ben, even though you and Sam weren't there, that I actually missed a life with them sometimes. Then your… scheme… with Crowley happened, put Lisa and Ben in danger that I thought I could hate you and forget what I felt for you." He paused as his thumb moved back and forth on the angel's spine. He sighed lightly and continued, "Then you died, or, we thought you died and I told myself, 'Why didn't I tell him how I felt? Maybe he would've changed his mind and listened to me'." Dean paused once more and inhaled deeply. He wet his dry lips and took a quick glance at the angel who was still staring at him. "In a way, I've forgiven you, with regards to breaking Sam's wall. But the thing I find hard to forgive was the way you chose Crowley over me." He continued and looked directly at the angel's eyes. "Why?"

Castiel sighed lightly, understanding the question without any other elaboration from the hunter. "I told you already, Dean. I did it for and because of you. It was the easiest way to finish Raphael. I didn't want to put you and Sam to anymore danger. The two of you have suffered enough. And by the way, I did not bring back Sam soulless on purpose, for finding alphas for interrogation. I thought he would've come to you for help."

"Then why didn't  _you_  ask for my help? I thought the war started shortly after the Apocalypse was averted? You know I would help you within a blink of an eye." The hunter asked with a pained expression.

"Because you were finally living the life you and your brother dreamed about. Also, you promised Sam that you would live that, 'apple pie life' with Lisa and Ben." Castiel replied, putting air quotations on the phrase  _apple pie life_ , making Dean's lips form a small smile.

"Yeah, well. Like Zachariah said, I was born a hunter. I will always be one, no matter what happens. So my idea of an apple pie life now is a life as a hunter." The hunter said with a playful roll of his eyes; paused, blinked and added softly, "And a life with you, if you'd like that."

"Of course I'd like that." Castiel assured with a soft smile and a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

They were silent for a few more moments as the song that was playing on the background was coming to an end. Dean kept on staring at the sky, his hand moving up and down the angel's spine while Castiel doodled on Dean's shirt with his index finger.

"Hey Cas." Dean suddenly murmured. The angel hummed in response but otherwise did not lift his gaze from the hunter's chest and simply kept on drawing patterns on his shirt. "After tomorrow, after we kill Dick, I'd like to take you on a date. You know, one that doesn't consist of a simple diner or a bar. A date in a fancy restaurant and shit like that." He mumbled, a faint blush tainting his cheeks. The angel stopped drawing patterns on Dean's chest and looked up at the hunter with a questioning gaze; head tilted to one side, eyes narrowed ever so slightly, brows furrowed. "It's just…" Dean stuttered, slightly uncomfortable with what he was about to say. "I want to do this right with you. Move slow. I don't want to rush anything with you because I might mess it up." He continued and chanced a glance at the angel who was lying halfway on top of him

Understanding dawned upon Castiel and he leaned down to kiss the tip of the hunter's nose. "I think I'd like that Dean." He replied with a soft smile which was gladly returned by the hunter.

As the night got deeper, both hunter and angel decided that it was best to get inside and rest for their plan of attack the next morning. Dean did his usual rituals before bed; brushed his teeth, washed his face, changed into more comfortable clothes and checked the door and the windows. Before the hunter decided to take a rest for the night, he approached the angel— _his_  angel—who was now starting another board game he mojoed from only God knows where. The angel glanced up at him and tilted his head to the side. The hunter simply smiled and leaned down to give the angel a soft, chaste kiss with a smile.

At the angel's questioning but pleased look, the hunter smiled against his lips and murmured, "Goodnight kiss."


End file.
